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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29984907">Another love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrelevantaverrageteen/pseuds/Irrelevantaverrageteen'>Irrelevantaverrageteen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bittersweet, Character Death, Character Study, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, another love - Tom Odell, it is also not though, pls read, tw:mentions of suicide, yeah this is sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:48:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29984907</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrelevantaverrageteen/pseuds/Irrelevantaverrageteen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“All my tears have been used up on another love.” </p><p>Felix is learning to love again with Chan after losing Changbin. </p><p> </p><p>(I promise this isn’t as angsty as it sounds)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Another love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay so I guess this is angsty but I feel like it’s more realistic than anything. I just wanted to do a bit of a character study. I hope you enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">
  <em>“All my tears have been used up, on another love.” </em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em>——</em>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Felix lies in the dark of his room, curtains shut and his comforter over his head, hiding him from the world. His phone is on do not disturb and he’s too scared to check the amount of missed calls he has. All of them are likely to be from Chan, because whenever they argue, no matter how in the blame Felix is, Chan always apologises first. They don’t fight often, but when they do he knows he hurts Chan every time, he hurts him with his lack of emotion. While Chan is crying and pleading, Felix just stares angry but not sad, he can’t bring himself to cry anymore, his tears have been used up. So instead Chan slams the door to go somewhere, most likely the gym, and Felix lays in the dark staring into nothing. Feeling nothing.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Felix loves Chan, he really does, he thinks loving Chan is like anyone’s first trip to the beach; it’s exciting, new, you enjoy it and make sure to make the most of it but sometimes the heat is suffocating, sometimes the saltiness of the sea seeps into your mouth or sometimes the grains of sand clinging to your skin are too much. But no matter what, it will always be there, in your memory, it will still be one of your most treasured feelings. He treasures Chan. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He wants to feel like crying when he sees Chan cry, he wants to feel his heart hurt when they argue but he just can’t, because there’s one thing that Chan can never be, and that’s Changbin. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Loving Changbin was like breathing to Felix, because Changbin was everything this evil world didn’t deserve to be blessed with. Changbin felt like home, he was a warm drink on a rainy day, and despite how cold he was to himself, the man only ever exerted warmth. Everything he touched would glow with affection, including Felix. The sound of his laugh was infectious, and he wishes he had an album compiled of all the different ways in which Changbin laughed because he took it for granted. He doesn’t want to think about the painful, longing words Changbin wrote in his poems, or the days where Changbin would disappear and Felix would find him cowering alone in the rain and say things that Felix regrets never taking seriously enough. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He doesn’t want to think about it because when he left, Changbin took Felix’s heart with him. He still remembers their last kiss, it was loving, comforting, completely unaware of what was happening inside Changbin’s mind. He still remembers falling to the ground when his lovers lifeless body was being covered with a sheet and taken away. And he still remembers the words “to my one love” scribbled on the note addressed solely to him.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He hates that he feels angry, because Changbin was too beautiful, too free, too colourful to be trapped in this monotonous and grey world, but Felix is selfish and he is angry, he’s so fucking angry.Everything he should give to Chan, he wants to give to Chan, has been used up on another love. Chan loves him naively and selflessly the same way he loved Changbin, he gives Felix his everything because he’s never given it to any one else before and Felix just takes it all, not giving anything back. Because he can’t. Maybe it’s because he’s afraid, maybe it’s because of the guilt because he made a promise to Changbin.He gave his everything to Changbin. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He knows Chan understands, because Chan is just as beautiful as Changbin. Chan just accepts that he will always love Felix more than Felix can ever love him, and Felix hates it. Chan knows the words “I love you” don’t mean anything to Felix anymore because Changbin said them but still left him. He’s held Chan to his chest and begged him to leave because he will never find equal love with him, but Chan has just held on tighter knowing he can never fill the hole Changbin’s overwhelming presence has left in Felix’s heart but maybe he can dull the ache of it. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It’s times like this when he and Chan have argued where his mind drifts to Changbin, because they are so different in the way they carry themselves. Changbin would stomp and throw things and always say hurtful, but truthful, things, whereas Chan says not enough and let’s it bottle up until he bursts, and then he becomes overwhelmed with guilt. His stomach gets that sinking feeling whenever he thinks about Changbin, he longs to just inhale his scent again, or to just say all of the words he was too scared to say before. It’s hard to accept the fact he can’t, and he will never be able to. Because his regret is greater than his gratitude ever was.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He reaches for his phone and tells Chan to come home to him, because he won’t leave things unsaid due to fear, not again. Because Chan is home, Chan holds him in his arms when he feels weak, Chan listens patiently when he talks about Changbin. Chan never gets jealous or bored, he smiles and comforts him, laughing along whenever Felix recites a story, he even made a scrapbook for Felix with all his and Changbin’s pictures together. Felix remembers sobbing and telling Chan how much Changbin would’ve loved him because they were exactly the same in how they both were beat down by the world but still gave nothing but love back to it. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He shuffles his head from its cave when he hears the bedroom door open and close, his sight adjusting to Chan and his tear stained face, he moves back opening up the cover and inviting Chan into his arms, to which he delves into. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I’m sorry.” Is what he whispers into the crown of Chan’s head, finally saying it first because he’s fucking terrified of losing Chan like he lost Changbin. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I’m not leaving you. I love you and that means everything to me, even if it can’t to you.” Is what Chan whispers back, squeezing him tighter. He knows that if he had met Chan first that would’ve been it for him, sometimes he wishes that he met Chan first so he could’ve given him his everything back, but then he remembers how he felt with Changbin, how in love he was. How he was lucky to have had the pleasure of being loved by Changbin.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">As he’s lay here with Chan in his arms, breathing slow, he doesn’t believe that there is the right person at the wrong time. Changbin led him to Chan and for that he will be forever grateful. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading, I hope it wasn’t too sad :(</p></blockquote></div></div>
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